Simple Man
by MultilatedMarshmellow
Summary: How far would you go to protect the one you love most? For Dean Winchester, it's no question. He never should have found that secret part of the journal. Warning: Death fic, double suicide. NC-17. Underage characters. Warnings for assisted suicide. Much better summary inside. If you like your heart where it is don't read this. John Winchester only mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

AN: For those of you that have never listened to it, please look up Simple Man cover preformed by Jensen Ackles. It is the inspiration for this. Link can be found below.

watch?v=3SniMv8EGiY

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 _After reading John Winchester's journal entry about Sam, Dean comes to face a horrifying reality. To protect his baby brother from the life fate seems to have planned out for them, Dean makes the hardest choice he's ever faced in his life. If he can't save Sammy...could he live without his little brother? That answer was of no question..._

* * *

If someone had told Dean Winchester, that at the tender age of only 17, he would be giving up on life, they would have not walked away from the conversation. The thought of ending one's own life for any reason was hard to swallow. Dean never could have believed his life would end up this way. Him sitting at the kitchen table of the latest Winchester abode, in some nameless town, in another goddamn state, staring at a yellow pill bottle label. The blood on his knuckles had long sence dried against his skin, the red flakes looking much darker in the faded kitchen light. Dean's hands were shaking, his vision blurring as he tried to make out the words typed out on the bottle label. There was only a handful of white pills left in the bottle.

Just enough.

Upstairs in their shared bedroom, Dean could hear his little brother coming out of the bathroom from his shower. They'd spent most of the warm summer day outside. Dean had insisted they do something, anything, to escape the confined walls of the old house. Their dad had left them over a week ago to deal with whatever hunt he'd been working on. Truth be told, Dean had not been paying much attention to him when he left, only nodding when spoken too. He'd hardly said a single word to his own father in almost 2 weeks...

Not since he'd found the hidden passage in the journal...

* * *

 _2 weeks earlier..._

It had been a quiet night, the boys had been left alone for a couple days while John went out scouting. Dean had been trying to watch late night television, desperate to get some sleep, with Sammy laid out beside him using his older brother's ribs as a pillow. The journal had been sitting on the bedside table beside the clock. Dean hadn't meant to knock it over, his hand had accidently brushed the faded leather while reaching for his water bottle. The worn out pages hit the floor with a muffled thud before Dean could grab it. He'd reached down to pick it up when he noticed a small section of pages he'd never seen before.

Not wanting to disturb his brother, Dean moved to the other bed and flipped the small lamp on. The pages he'd found were worn down, like they'd been flipped through more so than the rest of the journal. The passage was hidden near the back, tucked between other pictures with paperclips keeping them in place. It was only 6 pages long, small enough to hide, it was no wonder Dean had not seen it before. None of the pages were labeled like the rest of the journal. No dates. No nothing. Just entry after entry.

All about Sam.

If Dean were to guess, he'd say his dad started writing the entries years ago based on the shape of the paper. A small part of Dean's brain had forbid him from reading the pages, begged him to just shut the book and leave it alone, but the other part of his brain was louder.

The part that screamed _protect Sammy._

So, Dean went against his gut feeling and started reading.

Later, he'd wished he hadn't...

* * *

 _Present._

After Dean had read and re-read the hidden pages, he'd been sick for days. Sam had been worried and begged him to let his little brother help. John had returned days later to find his oldest son giving him the cold shoulder. For weeks, Dean could hardly even look at his dad.

 _Demon blood._

 _Apocolypse._

 _War against Heaven._

 _Devil's vessel._

The words Dean had read repeated inside his head like canon fire. Each cutting deeper and deeper into his heart. Sam, his baby brother, was an innocent child of only 13. A child, and their own father had called his youngest a _monster_ in his own words.

The one sentence that really fucked with Dean's head had been one of the last in the pages. The only time he himself was ever mentioned. It had taken Dean multiple tries to even process the words his father had written.

 _I have too tell Dean soon. If something happens to me I need to know Dean will take care of Sam for me. Mary would be disgusted with me if she knew what I was thinking right now, I pray she'll forgive me. How do I tell my son the truth? That if he can't save Sam, he'll have to kill his brother?_

 _Kill his brother._

Kill his baby brother.

Dean had been sick as soon as he read those words. A life without Sam? Just the thought of it was almost too much. His little brother was his whole world, his one job was too keep Sam safe, from everything.

And that included John Winchester.

If his dad actually believed Dean would just stand by like a good soldier and let the man kill his brother, he was dead wrong. Dean would never allow Sam to die.

Not unless he allowed it.

The thoughts running through Dean's head all week had lead him up to this moment. Sitting in a dim kitchen, out of ideas, out of time. Their dad would return by tomorrow, and by then Dean would lose whatever sick nerve he had to do this. He would not let anything bad happen to Sammy. If he thought about this fucked up life any longer, Dean knew he would give in to what his heart wanted most.

He'd let the world burn.

Shaking, Dean dumped the pills out onto the table. Counting them out twice in his head, he slowly reached for the glass beside him. Dumping the handful of pills into the cup, he grabbed a spoon and began to break them up into powder to disolve.

He was really doing this...

Biting back the unexpected sob that was trying to come up, Dean fought back his need to shed tears, begging his mom to forgive him for what he was doing. Standing to walk to the fridge, he grabbed the last of the chocolate milk and filled the glass to the brim. Stiring the disolving pill powder in the milk took a couple minutes. This had to be perfect. No mistakes.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, Dean knew Sam would be getting ready to go to sleep soon, he needed to finish this quickly. Heading up to the bedroom with the glass of milk in hand, Dean opened the door to see Sammy pulling on one of Dean's shirts to sleep in, his shaggy brown hair still damp from the shower. Sam gave him a warm smile before climbing into bed. Dean tried to smile back, he tried to act like nothing was wrong, that was his job.

Protect Sammy.

Protect your baby brother.

 _Protect him..._

Taking a shakey breath, Dean walked over to the bed and handed his little brother the glass with a small smile. Sam took the milk from him with a raised eyebrow.

"I thought you wanted the last of it?" he asked, taking a large sip of the milk. Dean just shrugged while opening the side drawer of the bedside table, taking out his prized gun. Checking the chamber and rounds, he placed the gun under his pillow before climbing in beside Sammy.

"Why you got your gun?" Sam looked at the pillow for a second before taking another gulp of his milk. Dean reached up to wipe the small trace of milk from his brothers lip.

"Just extra protection Sammy," he whispered. Sam gave him a weird look but didn't argue. Crawling over to Dean's side, Sam snuggled up against his brother's side for warmth. In just a few more gulps the glass of milk was empty and sitting on the bedside table. Dean stared at the empty glass with a heaviness in his chest, his heart was breaking faster than he thought possible.

Turning the television on to some old black and white movie, Dean wrapped his arm around Sam to keep him close. He silently wondered how long he had. How long would he have with Sammy? Fighting back tears he tried to concentraite on paying attention to his baby brother.

"Dee?" His baby brother's sweet voice broke his thoughts. Dean hummed while running his fingers through Sam's hair, leaning his chin down on Sam's head.

"Will you sing s'thin?" Sam's voice was soft, his words beginning to slur together just enough to notice. Dean looked up at the ceiling with watery eyes. He begged his mom to help him, to give him strength to stay strong for his baby brother just enough, just a little longer. Taking a deep breath he thought of a song, hating how fucking ironic the words were for them.

 _Mama told me_

 _When I was young_

 _Come sit beside me, my only son_

 _And listen closely to what I say_

 _And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day_

Dean would have given anything to see his mom again, to let Sam see their mother for the first time, anything except a damn picture of her beautiful face. Deep down, Dean knew she would never forgive him for this...

 _Oh, take your time_

 _Don't live too fast_

 _Troubles will come_

 _And they will pass_

Troubles never passed for the Winchesters. They're cursed. From the time they were born, their lives were already planned out for them. Each year worse than the last. Dean took a steady breath and pulled Sammy up onto his stomach, wrapping his arms around his little brother.

Sam snuggled into his big brothers chest and laid his head right over Dean's heart. He didn't know why Dean was upset or why he was crying, but he just closed his eyes and relaxed, letting Dean's warm voice fill the silence.

 _You'll find a woman_

 _And you'll find love_

 _And don't forget son, there is someone up above_

Dean thought about what it would have been like to have a family, have little ones of his own, a wife, a white picket fence with a dog and everything else a normal family has. Sam would never get that fantasy.

A woman.

Love.

Because Winchesters would never have normal. A soft sob broke out from Dean's throat, his eyes filling with tears as he held Sam against him. He wasen't ready to let go.

He wasen't ready...

 _And be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, be something you love and understand_

 _Baby be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, won't you do this for me son, if you can_

Sam's breathing began to slow, his eyes no longer able to stay open on their own. Dean choked back another broken sob as he tried to continue singing his baby brother to sleep.

For the last time.

 _Forget your lust for the rich man's gold_

 _All that you need is in your soul_

 _And you can do this, oh baby, if you try_

 _All that I want for you my son_

 _Is to be satisfied_

Sammy's soul was the kindest Dean had ever known. How could his baby brother be the human vessel for an angel such as Lucifer? Heaven was hell bent on screwing them over and Hell was set to destroy them.

What had they done that was so bad? Why would God allow this to happen to them? All they wanted to do was _save_ people, protect those who can not protect themselves, save innocents from the very things trying to destroy them. So what had they done to deserve this fate?

 _And be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, be something you love and understand_

 _Baby be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, won't you do this for me son, if you can_

Dean moved his hand to Sam's neck, feeling the now sluggish pulse beneath his finger tip. Using the pad of his thumb to sooth his little brother's skin he leaned his forehead down to Sam's head.

 _Boy, don't you worry_

 _You'll find yourself_

 _Follow your heart and nothing else_

 _And if you do this, oh baby, if you try_

 _All that I want for you my son_

 _Is to be satisfied_

Would their mom have wanted this life for them? Would she forgive their dad for what he'd done to them? Dragging them all over the country, putting them in danger, never giving them a single chance to experience normal. What good would it do to follow your heart when your own father forbid everything that didn't revolve around hunting?

Sammy had wanted nothing more than to finish school. He never asked for much, his big brothers love was all he ever claimed he needed.

Dean would always love Sammy until his last breath...

 _And be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, be something you love and understand_

 _Baby be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can_

All Dean ever wanted was for Sammy to be happy, healthy, just to be a kid for a little longer. He never wanted Sam to be dragged into the hunting life like he was, too young to know the truth and far too innocent to be a killer.

Not like Dean was.

Not like John forced him to be.

Dean knew the one thing he would never allow his father to do was corrupt the youngest Winchester like he'd done to Dean.

Never would he allow anyone to use Sammy...

The pulse beneath his fingers had nearly dissapeared, making Dean cover his mouth to muffle his cries when he could no longer feel Sam breathing. He buried his face against Sam's neck while his hands desperatly held onto his baby brother.

 _Baby, be a simple, be a simple a man_

 _Oh, be something you love and understand_

 _Baby, be a simple kind of man_

 _Oh, won't you do this for me son_

 _If you can_

As the minutes passed and Dean could no longer feel anything from the little body against him, he quickly reached under his pillow to grip cold steel. The gun felt heavy in his hands as he cocked it back.

"I'm comin' baby boy..." he whispered, placing the cool metal under his chin. Pointing the barrel up into his neck, Dean held Sam as tight as he could as his finger found the trigger. Closing his eyes he tried to imagine his mothers face one last time.

He prayed he would see her again.

 _'Forgive me...'_

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AN: I am so sorry! I told you not to read this shit! Review if your not too angry...


	2. Authors Note

Authors Note!

Hey everyone thank you for reading this story and taking the time to leave reviews, very much appreciated! I am in the process of writing a sequel.

If anyone has any suggestions or anything they would like to see happen in the sequel please Review or PM me with your comments.

Thanks Fandom!


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